These are the first Neelys Awards of the new decade, titled after Patty Duke's boozy, doped-up character in Valley of the Dolls. They’re bestowed with love, modify for the Worst 10, because I fuck seeing bad movies as much as good movies; in both cases, they move me ... modify if it is meet a separate for the exit.
Here are the prizewinning 2009 had to offer:
1. Up in the Air: Jason Reitman (Juno and Thank You for Smoking) keeps effort meliorate and meliorate as a director, and his new flick is the perfect tale for our time of scheme disaster. George Clooney hasn’t been this effortlessly charming in a long time, and his banter with Vera Farmiga elevated a bad movie assemblage immensely. Anna Kendrick could hit been clichéd but instead became someone you cared most as Clooney’s know-it-all colleague.
Here are the prizewinning 2009 had to offer:
1. Up in the Air: Jason Reitman (Juno and Thank You for Smoking) keeps effort meliorate and meliorate as a director, and his new flick is the perfect tale for our time of scheme disaster. George Clooney hasn’t been this effortlessly charming in a long time, and his banter with Vera Farmiga elevated a bad movie assemblage immensely. Anna Kendrick could hit been clichéd but instead became someone you cared most as Clooney’s know-it-all colleague.
2. Inglourious Basterds: Quentin Tarantino’s fantastic, Nazi killin’, bloody recreation exploitation wink has scenes of suspense that Hitchcock would envy. Brad Pitt is a hoot, Christoph Waltz is scary good, and both Diane Kruger and Mélanie Laurent are strong, coercive women in Tarantino’s deft bit of arts wish fulfillment. It’s like a feel-good Valkyrie, and I idolized every grossly hilarious minute.
3. A Single Man: Is it call over substance that makes Tom Ford’s film feel less involving than other top picks? Perhaps, although Colin linguist is sorrowful in the lead persona of George Falconer, a closeted merry man in 1962 Los Angeles who is so bereft at the modification of his partner, he spends one long day planning to blackball himself. Ford’s vision is exquisite, and A Single Man is a timeless artist of love lost, and society’s callous indifference.
3. A Single Man: Is it call over substance that makes Tom Ford’s film feel less involving than other top picks? Perhaps, although Colin linguist is sorrowful in the lead persona of George Falconer, a closeted merry man in 1962 Los Angeles who is so bereft at the modification of his partner, he spends one long day planning to blackball himself. Ford’s vision is exquisite, and A Single Man is a timeless artist of love lost, and society’s callous indifference.
4. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire: At one time, Precious was my top flick of the year, but on ordinal thought, others rose higher. The outspoken Lee Daniels’ brutally real depiction of a young girl’s struggle to escape poverty and abuse makes for a gripping, unforgettable film. Gabourey Sidibe is amazing in the title role, while Mo’Nique is shocking in her fiercely hateful performance as Precious’ mother from hell.
5. Julie & Julia: Meryl actress is the light embodiment of Julia Child, while Amy President is inferior serendipitous with her half of Nora Ephron’s comic drama. When a flick makes you cheer a well-cooked meal, you know it’s something special, and Julie & Julia is never more primary than when actress is on screen.
5. Julie & Julia: Meryl actress is the light embodiment of Julia Child, while Amy President is inferior serendipitous with her half of Nora Ephron’s comic drama. When a flick makes you cheer a well-cooked meal, you know it’s something special, and Julie & Julia is never more primary than when actress is on screen.
6. A Serious Man: The Coen Brothers have a merciless artefact of treating their characters, and archangel Stuhlbarg’s hapless Larry Gopnik fares no better. Was his kinsfolk cursed by the Dybbuk (Jewish evil spirit) that entered the otherwise unconnected opening scene? I’m not sure, but I am trusty that the Coens captured their late 60s person and collegiate worlds perfectly, in a story that rivals the Book of Job.
7. District 9: After seeing the gritty realism that infuses Neill Blomkamp’s hard-hitting sci-fi take on Apartheid, Avatar looks like a video game. I hate seafood, but I was cheering on the outlander prawns to victory, hoping against wish that the ET’s would do more than meet sound home.
7. District 9: After seeing the gritty realism that infuses Neill Blomkamp’s hard-hitting sci-fi take on Apartheid, Avatar looks like a video game. I hate seafood, but I was cheering on the outlander prawns to victory, hoping against wish that the ET’s would do more than meet sound home.
8. Sherlock Holmes: Sure, the film is popcorn entertainment, but Guy Ritchie makes a thrilling leap into period action, while parliamentarian Downey Jr. and Jude Law take honors as the couple of the year, even if their love dare not speak its name.
9. The Messenger: This news of two men live with notifying the next of kin when servicemen are killed rattling resonates. Every person killed in state leaves a huge hole in their family’s lives, as The Messenger reminds us. Ben Foster and Woody Harrelson give milestone performances.
9. The Messenger: This news of two men live with notifying the next of kin when servicemen are killed rattling resonates. Every person killed in state leaves a huge hole in their family’s lives, as The Messenger reminds us. Ben Foster and Woody Harrelson give milestone performances.
10. The Year in Animation: It’s kind of a cheat, but the tenth best films were the fine animated films Up, Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline. Up was Pixar’s most mature film yet, with profound messages most love and loss. Fantastic Mr. Fox finally made me like Wes Anderson, with visually gorgeous stop-animation and a wicked Roald Dahl story. Coraline was also a visual treat, with a alarming tale most effort what you desire for ... and regretting it.
Now the time has become to reward the horrid and expose the vile. The Neelys 2010 are a lowercase assorted this year, because I’ve decided to give apiece movie its own award of shame:
— The Sudoku Award for Most Aggravating Number-Obsessed Movie: Nicolas Cage’s Knowing, which somehow never knew how galling and unreasonable it was.
Now the time has become to reward the horrid and expose the vile. The Neelys 2010 are a lowercase assorted this year, because I’ve decided to give apiece movie its own award of shame:
— The Sudoku Award for Most Aggravating Number-Obsessed Movie: Nicolas Cage’s Knowing, which somehow never knew how galling and unreasonable it was.
— The Can We Revoke His Visa Award for Bad Citizenship Award: Gerard Butler’s ridiculous punish flick, Law Abiding Citizen, wherein he rights the unfair remove of his wife by killing innumerous another folks.
— The Not-So-Gleeful Award for Incompetent Choir Movies: The excruciating Mark Pease Experience. You undergo it’s rattling bad when Jason Schwartzman isn’t the worst part of the film. That would be Ben Stiller in floppy hair.
— The That’ll Kill Your Résumé Award for Worst Buzz Kill to its Stars’ Careers: Sandra Bullock had an amazing year (The Proposal and The Blind Side), until you realize that she produced the steaming money of rom-com poop known as All About Steve. Ditto politico Cooper, whose hangover module commence once he spots this incompetent trash on cable. Stalker comedy is bad enough, but did they hit to steal and ruin a perfectly good gay flick title?
— The Not-So-Gleeful Award for Incompetent Choir Movies: The excruciating Mark Pease Experience. You undergo it’s rattling bad when Jason Schwartzman isn’t the worst part of the film. That would be Ben Stiller in floppy hair.
— The That’ll Kill Your Résumé Award for Worst Buzz Kill to its Stars’ Careers: Sandra Bullock had an amazing year (The Proposal and The Blind Side), until you realize that she produced the steaming money of rom-com poop known as All About Steve. Ditto politico Cooper, whose hangover module commence once he spots this incompetent trash on cable. Stalker comedy is bad enough, but did they hit to steal and ruin a perfectly good gay flick title?
— The That Joke is Jurassic Award: Land of the Lost, Will Ferrell’s painfully awful reboot of the cheesy Saturday morning kids’ show. When the height of comedy is Ferrell’s fuck of A Chorus Line, you undergo the humor well’s run dry.
— The Roe vs. Wade Award for a Movie That Should Have Been Aborted: In The Unborn, Odette Yustman is sorrowful by the grievous spirit of her dead fetal twin. The audience is sorrowful by bad talking and cheap scares, and religion is set backwards digit cardinal years by its lame-brained mysticism.
— The “I Know Anne Archer, and You, Beyoncé, Are No Anne Archer” Award: The ludicrous Fatal Attraction rip-off Obsessed contains a unearthly taste of reverse favoritism wherein the daimon lady calif Larter stops at null to ruin Beyoncé’s happy home, with hour of that pesky psychological suspense to intend in the way. Lame catfights ensue.
— The Roe vs. Wade Award for a Movie That Should Have Been Aborted: In The Unborn, Odette Yustman is sorrowful by the grievous spirit of her dead fetal twin. The audience is sorrowful by bad talking and cheap scares, and religion is set backwards digit cardinal years by its lame-brained mysticism.
— The “I Know Anne Archer, and You, Beyoncé, Are No Anne Archer” Award: The ludicrous Fatal Attraction rip-off Obsessed contains a unearthly taste of reverse favoritism wherein the daimon lady calif Larter stops at null to ruin Beyoncé’s happy home, with hour of that pesky psychological suspense to intend in the way. Lame catfights ensue.
— The Angelina’s Nightmare Award for Worst Adoption Movie: Following Orphan, Vera Farmiga would be forgiven if she never wants to play a care again. First, in Joshua, she has a lowercase devil boy. Even worse, in Orphan she has … Peter Sarsgaard as a husband! The horror! And that’s before they adopt a nasty lowercase Eastern European summate with a daddy fixation. There’s good schlock, and then there’s trash same Orphan. No astonishment adoption advocates were up in arms over the film!
— The “Does 3-D Stand for Dim-Witted, Depressing and Dull?” Award: With The Final Destination, the most bushed entry in the Final Destination series, even 3-D couldn’t bring it back to life. Filled with the worst actors, the laziest plotting and the least imaginative death scenarios, it’s almost as if the series cheated death, only to be killed off by this simple sequel.
— The Prop 8 Award for Worst Wedding Testimonial: The wretched chick flick Bride Wars pits Anne Hathaway against best friend Kate Hudson as battling bridezillas bound and determined to be married at the Plaza Hotel. If this is marriage, who wants it?
— The “Does 3-D Stand for Dim-Witted, Depressing and Dull?” Award: With The Final Destination, the most bushed entry in the Final Destination series, even 3-D couldn’t bring it back to life. Filled with the worst actors, the laziest plotting and the least imaginative death scenarios, it’s almost as if the series cheated death, only to be killed off by this simple sequel.
— The Prop 8 Award for Worst Wedding Testimonial: The wretched chick flick Bride Wars pits Anne Hathaway against best friend Kate Hudson as battling bridezillas bound and determined to be married at the Plaza Hotel. If this is marriage, who wants it?
— The Isaiah Washington Award for Worst Use of the F-Word: The Hangover, an otherwise diverting film, is ruined by homophobic “guy banter” same Bradley Cooper yelling “Paging Dr. F****t!” at Ed Helms and gross groomsman Zach Galifianakis freaking out when a accommodate measures his inseam.
— Finally, the Neely for Worst Film of the Year is the Chemical Castration Award for Worst Cinematic Man-Whore: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was Gospels McConaughey squandering his remaining stimulate appeal on a acerbic holiday fable most a jerk who uses women, then supposedly grows a hunch and soul. Now that President Lautner’s grown dolphin abs, we don’t even need to wager Gospels shirtless, so he had meliorate opt his incoming projects more wisely.
Lastly (and certainly least), it’s time for the desirable Elizabeth Berkley Awards for acting beneath and against the call of duty.
— Finally, the Neely for Worst Film of the Year is the Chemical Castration Award for Worst Cinematic Man-Whore: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was Gospels McConaughey squandering his remaining stimulate appeal on a acerbic holiday fable most a jerk who uses women, then supposedly grows a hunch and soul. Now that President Lautner’s grown dolphin abs, we don’t even need to wager Gospels shirtless, so he had meliorate opt his incoming projects more wisely.
Lastly (and certainly least), it’s time for the desirable Elizabeth Berkley Awards for acting beneath and against the call of duty.
This year’s Worst Actor pains me to announce, because he’s just so damn blistering ... until he opens his mouth. Channing Tatum’s noxious dull action in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra actually acts as an anti-aphrodisiac, negating his manifest assets while it kills your brain cells watching it.
This year’s Worst Actress just keeps effort work (including what I hope module be her first beatific action as Joan Jett in Runaways) despite a complete lack of apparent ability. Kristin histrion in The Twilight Saga: New Moon gave new meaning to the word “underplaying”, as she just seems awake throughout the film. No emotion is within her grasp and no line is dramatic enough to rouse her from her stupor. histrion makes Chloë Sevigny look like Vanessa Redgrave in comparison.
It’s a new decade, so here’s hoping that 2010 brings a better class of films!
By Neil Cohen, resident flick critic of Movie Dearest and Phoenix's Echo Magazine.
This year’s Worst Actress just keeps effort work (including what I hope module be her first beatific action as Joan Jett in Runaways) despite a complete lack of apparent ability. Kristin histrion in The Twilight Saga: New Moon gave new meaning to the word “underplaying”, as she just seems awake throughout the film. No emotion is within her grasp and no line is dramatic enough to rouse her from her stupor. histrion makes Chloë Sevigny look like Vanessa Redgrave in comparison.
It’s a new decade, so here’s hoping that 2010 brings a better class of films!
By Neil Cohen, resident flick critic of Movie Dearest and Phoenix's Echo Magazine.
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